Humbly Walking in Grace

My Lord,
Give me a passion to see your kingdom come.
Give me a passion to know your truth.
Here I sit with a heavy heart.
Fear and Pride consume me.
I do not pursue your will nor do I desire your truths.
I have an appetite for life, but only according to my own convienence.
Your Kingdom I disregard, mine I favor.
My heart is hardened and blinded to your truths.
My faults and my insecurities I recongnize
Yet, I do nothing.

I doubt your power and sovereignty.
Your truths I know, your promises I have seen,
Yet, I do not believe.
I know your hope, I know your redeeming power,
yet, my heart lives in unbelief.

I am at a loss.
I desire control, yet, have none.
I covet freedom, yet, remain enslaved.
Enslaved to my fear, and doubts.
Myself I have imprisoned.
From my chains I cry out for freedom.

Freedom calls out to me, yet I am bound.
Bound by my own selfish desires, my own unbelief.
I know freedom lies within your Kingdom.
But it is my kingdom for which I live.

Lord, I hate it.
I want to give you control.
I desire to trust.
I crave the hope that your Kingdom promises.
Yet, How does one satisfy the longings of his/her heart?
I seek for answers, but find none.
I seek for answers yet know the truth.

Give me passion, Give me assurance.
Destroy the fear, doubt, and unbelief that pursue me.
Grant me the promise of hope and of freedom.
Let me walk in your grace.
Allow me to live a reconciled life.
Redeem this hardened heart, justify it with your mercy and grace.