Humbly Walking in Grace

For those interested and actually check my blog I do apologize for my delinquent posts. I can't even say I have been busy these past 3 or 4 months, I just haven't been posting. Not much has been happening since the snow storm in January but nonetheless I am alive. I am still recovering from my broken foot and just working away to pay the bills. May has most definitely snuck up on us and I am amazed at how swift June is approaching. I am excited for summer yet I am uncertain about what will take place. I am taking several trips to my beloved Montana this summer. To work at camp, to spend time with my family and friends and just to get away from the mundane everyday life that Portland has become. But enough about mundane life, I'm sure I'll post more thoughts regarding this transitional time in life soon. But I wanted to holla at ya'll and let you know that I am alive and I am doing well, for the most part at least. I appreciate you all and I covet your prayers as this time in life is transitional and can be hard at times. And be encouraged I am praying for you all as well. Even though i have been absent these few months and I haven't posted or emailed or called anyone...it doesn't mean I love you any less. But I must leave for now, but I want to leave you with a story:

It was a typical Monday morning, my brain and my body reluctant to awaken I force myself up to shower and properly prepare for the day. It was a sunny day, it seemed to be a fine start to yet another fine uneventful week. The clock read 8:45am, I grabbed my wallet, keys and lunch and headed for the door. As I stepped off the last step something seemed odd and out of place, my car wasn't in it's usual place. I looked around the parking lot thinking I had parked elsewhere, nope, no sign of my car. I asked myself, "Did I lend it to someone? Nope, I have the keys". Then it hit me, my car was gone, my car was stolen. "Not again!" I said to myself. I quickly called my boss for a ride. "How can my car be gone? I just got the car. Is someone stalking me? How can this be, it's the 2nd car in 4 months that I've had stolen" I couldn't stop the thoughts. They were right, how could this have happened. Saddened and frustrated I went about my work waiting and praying that the police would find something. But doubts took their toll, "It took them 3 months to find Jack. I can't afford to lose another car. Maybe I'm not ment to have one. How will I get to Montana this summer?" These doubts and many more intruded my daily activities. 7:45pm, frustrated and worn out, I sat on my couch wanting to do nothing but relax. The phone rang. It was the police, they have found my car. I hoped on the train to retrieve it. He was in the same condition, nothing stolen, except for 140 miles off the Odomemeter. That's right 140 miles. Ah...if only my car could talk. But nevertheless, Luigi is safe and sound, with his nifty new CLUB on the steering wheel and his faithful owner waking up every time a car starts.

So, there's my story, it's true and real...only happened 2 weeks ago. It's quite funny. All that can be said is...Oh Sheri!

Love ya.

Well, it's been awhile since my last post and a lot has happened. For months I have been discontent with having too much time and nothing really happening in my life. I have wanted to go home and I have wanted to go back to school. But my longing for 'action' if you will has come around...

Friday December 15th, my roommate and I decided that it was time to relax and watch a Christmas movie; I was on the movie detail while my roommate, Amanda was on the dinner detail. I opened the door to my apartment and started to head down the stairs, it was pitch black out (our outside lights are on a timer which were conveniently reset with the power outage the night before), I reached the bottom or so I thought but unfortunately missed the bottom step and took quite a fall. I messed up my right foot, the same one I had injured this summer. But I was determined to get a Christmas movie, so my roommate had to come with me, I couldn't walk. So, she ran upstairs turned off the oven and got in my car. I couldn't walk but I apparently was able to drive...I'm crazy. Well, by the end of the night I was in so much pain that I had to borrow my other roommates’ crutches just to get up and go to the bathroom. I used them all weekend, and then decided I didn't need them anymore. So, I went to work Monday without them...I figured my foot would recover fast, but it only got worse.

Meanwhile, my car, Jack had been acting up, not idling right and running at too high of RPMs. Wednesday, December 20th, I noticed that I had a huge transmission fluid leak, so I took him in to see if the leak could be fixed. But instead I found out that I needed a whole lot more than a new transmission line...way too much money than Jack was worth (in the financial world). The mechanic was going to try and figure out a way to stop the leak so I would be able to get back and forth to work until I found a replacement car.

Thursday morning, my foot still in much pain, I received a call from the shop. My car wasn't there and I didn't have it. Someone had stole poor old Jack from my mechanics lot. My emotions were going crazy, I'd almost cry then I would think how funny the whole situation was. Jack, an 87 Ford Tempo was sitting in the lot of a auto shop and was stolen. Someone definitely wasn't in their right mind...I just laugh at the thought, although I am extremely saddened with the loss of an old friend.

Meanwhile, my foot still hurting, my boss convinces me to get it checked out. I go in that afternoon to an immediate care...4 hours later, (and I thought it was an immediate care) I find out I have two fractures in my foot, one in my ankle and one in my foot. I was given my own set of crutches and a splint cast.

Friday, the doctor calls with the x-ray results he says I don't have a fracture in my foot, but the fracture in my ankle may be an old one. I go and exchange my splint cast for a walking boot cast.

Then I was able to breathe a few days for Christmas.

Tuesday, December 26, I go back into the doctor to confirm the fracture in my ankle. I need to see an orthopedic surgeon but because of my lack of health insurance they are taking it one-step at a time. I am suppose to keep off my foot as much as I can and come back in 2 weeks for more x-rays.

It is now Thursday, one week later, my foot is still super painful, and my car still is missing. My insurance won't cover it, and neither will the mechanics insurance. I have a few leads on a new car...but at this point I won't be able to drive anyway, so I am not too worried.

So, if I had complained or grieved over not having anything happen in my life, I recant and I ask for peace and guidance in the plans God has for me.

For Christmas, I received a book, the title..."God if you have a plan for my life; where were you last Thursday.” I simply laughed at the thought of how true this title was to my life's situation.

I know God has a plan and I am interested to see what that plan is. In the meantime, I urge you to pray for my foot, and my car. And pray that I would know what I am suppose to do now. I need to rest in the Lord, which I have been struggling with for some months now...but maybe this is a little nudge from the Lord to remind me that He is in control.

Winter has begun here in Portland with the cold weather and the persistant rain. Just the other day I drove to work in the fog. And today I woke up to a half an inch of snow on my poor car, but it doesn't end there; tomorrow is suppose to be worse. Don't get me wrong I love the cold and of course I love the snow, but what I don't love is how it seems to imitate how my life is right now.
Life these days seem to be cold and bitter, where everyone is running to a place much warmer.
I don't know, I try to process and nothing happens or else I choose to ignore it because I am too scared of what will come of my life. I am a college graduate, I am suppose to be living by the moment, making most of every opportunity. I have my whole life ahead of me, don't I? Yet, here I am with doubts, with fears, with insecurites. I don't know if I am where I am suppose to be, and if I am, well, I am not sure I want to be here. But nonetheless, God always has a purpose and a reason for everything, I just can't see it right now. I know I need to trust God and let Him work in and through my life, but it is a bit difficult these days. I am not totally sure why. These past few months have been hard, I came back to Portland with expectations but they were shot down, and now I only have regrets. But I am trying to learn how to overcome them and know that God works through them. But I can't fight the feeling of wanting to be 'home', to be around people who know me and where I am not always on edge to be who I am because I am afraid of how other's will proceive me. Yes, I am 25 and unfortunately still worry about what others think. I am trying to overcome it...but I have aways to go. But nonetheless I want to come home, wherever home may be, camp most likely, but montana in general. Where people know me and know when I just need a hug or a good laugh. And being the season, it is always hard to be away from those you love. So, needless to say....I have 'IT'. And for those who are unaware of this term, I am homesick!!!!! So, if you think of it, please pray that I will trust God to let him work and pray that God will grant me contentment in the midst of my discontent. Thanks.

I love you all!!!!!!!!

Today, Friday October 27th, I herby declare National Sheri declared eat a doughnut day!!!

How long has it been since you've eaten a doughnut? For some of you it hasn't been that long ago, but then again for some it has been too long, way too long. Doughnuts are amazing little things. They are soft and delightfully filling. A doughnut or two and a nice tall glass of cold orange juice can easily fill and satisfy your morning breakfast needs. But way to often do we neglect to reflect on the joy that doughnuts bring. Doughnuts can brighten anyones day, when you eat a doughnut on a morning that is particular troublesome...it may seem like your troubles have vanished momentarily. Doughnuts seem to bring a fresh start to your day.

So, in honor of the delightful fluffy blessings that doughnuts are....I urge you to go eat a doughnut and tell your friends. Doughnuts are only happy when you are happy eating them!!!

Life seems to be like I'm walking through a thick heavy fog, so thick I can't see what's ahead and I barely can make out what's behind. And so heavy that I can barely even move, it takes all I have to take one simple step. I don't know what's going on...ok so I do...but I just think I'm in denial and don't want to face anything right now. I know that I have a God so good and so gracious that He will carry me through the fog...if I only let Him. I think that is what I am struggling with, but not exactly sure. Being back in Portland has been hard, my expectations were so different from reality. I guess I was expecting life to be somewhat the same as it was when I was in school. I expected relationships to pick up where they had left off in May, but not being at school plays a bit of a hinderance, whether purposed or not. I miss the community of school, and of camp. I guess that proves that we were made for relationships...but it is a hard concept to maintain. I just pray that I would let go of all that weighs my heart down and let God work. I know I am walking through this for a reason...so that I can see that I need to rely on God and God alone. So often I cling to people and relationships first, then I cling to God. But that shouldn't be. I just pray that I would allow the hardness of my heart to break so that I would trust in what God is doing and so that I would be able to grow from all this.

I heard this song the other day...and I was on the verge of tears. This is how I want to live my life...I want to not only imagine myself being free, but I want to be free. I want to rest in the sweet grace that comes only through Christ. This is my desire...

___________________________________________
Imagine Me...Kirk Franklin

Imagine me, loving what I see when the
Mirror looks at me 'cause I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy cause
I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
'Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord can You imagine me
Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

Chorus
Imagine me, being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can…imagine me

I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can…imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Lord, can You imagine me

Bridge
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Vamp
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

So, it has been a while since my last post and here I sit erasing almost everything I write. I am not sure what to say. I have a number of things rumbling in my head, but none that I know how to write or even know if I want to share them. I know I eventually need to but at this point, no.

It hasn't quite hit me yet that I am no longer going to school, although I still live in Portland and work at the same place...life is different. I have time, more time than I know what to do with. I struggle with having too much time. I know that Paul encourages us to make the most of every opportunity, but what does that look like? I don't know...

So, here I am writing and processing a number of things that I am not sure I can process them all at once...but nonetheless it makes my brain hurt and tires my heart.

At any rate, I will try and post as my processing becomes more concrete and tangible. But know that I am alive...